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Detailed timing of the talk:
10:06 start of talk
10:09 start p.3
10:12 start p.5
10:16 start p.7
10:27 starting p.15
10:30 end of talk
The overall time is good, but it would make sense to spend less time on the introductory material and instead give some more details on the analysis to the expert audience of the workshop. Some suggestions are given below with the order of priority of: 1) higher-order generators, 2) background suppression efficiency correction, 3) pi0 efficiency. Please check if the timing is still fine and only include what is allowed by timing.
Comments on the individual slides:
p.1:
-Find a good solution for title/footnote, either moving the footnote closer to the title, or include the full words in the title (or remove the footnote).
p.2 (current):
-You can be much briefer when presenting this slide, e.g. not explain every detector system. Just add a "legend" that explains the red and blue color coding (original vs upgraded).
Swap p.2 and 3.
p.3 (current):
-You can also be quick here as this is probably discussed also in other talks. Keep the slide as is, but when talking just highlight that the cross section is the thing we are interested in measuring and point out the two final states we study here.
p.6:
-If ask when this result will come, answer "as soon as possible".
-424 -> 427
-probe and tag -> tag and probe
p.8:
-remove the details on the pi id, just say "pi identification"
-remove the c^4 for consistency, also make this consistent throughout the talk
-use consistent notation for CMS or *
-could move the comment on the wide range for mgamgam to p.9 and connect to the plot here
p.10
-Remove the details on the cuts and just mention that the PID is inverted
p.12:
-Explain a bit more (in words) which effects dominate the 1.9% background suppression correction, and also mention that the pi0 and tracking corrections are quite well understood.
-If you have still time after having added the details on the missing higher-order effects in the generator, you could consider merging p.12 and 14, focusing on < 1.05 GeV^2, add a bit more information on the background suppression, and add p.24 from the backup.
-Add a label that the table is for < 1.05 GeV^2.
p.13: If you have enough time, move the slides from the backup into the main part of the talk (improving their formatting a bit). Check that the timing of the talk is still fine.
p.17:
-Harmonize the style of the formulas.
-Increase the size of the plot and make the errors more visible.
p.20: 0.007 -> 0.005